Alanim
by catastrophic-art
Summary: Alanim: Not For Me. The regrets of keeping your confessions to yourself can lead to undesirable consequences. Consequences of an eternal pain.


The game of love for Elves is not one so simple as many like to think. Having become based upon 'love at first sight', Elves do not linger in lost loves, for they only love one. Once bound, the bond is unbreakable, and they shall see no other in such a way. Most Elves find that the occurrence of love is destiny, that they cross paths in a seemingly insignificant way, but in truth, it has been planned since many Ages before their birth. Others put their trust into chance, that a twist of fate will bring together two souls. Whether it be fate or coincidence, it has become the belief of many that once the two Elves meet, they shall forever love one another…

… But what if said love is unrequited?

Haldir of Lothlórien never expected to love. He was not one to search for a mate, nor did he truly desire one. Being a Marchwarden of the outer forests of his home was a trying and demanding job indeed, and it would leave little time for him to return to his flet at all. Time would be limited with the other Elf maiden. No woman would want their partner to be gone for so long. It would be strenuous on their wishes to be in one another's company… and by now, Haldir had lost count of the number of centuries he'd told himself such things.

It was true he did not completely desire a mate, but perhaps a small, seemingly invincible part of him did? He could never be sure. Most days and nights, he found himself content with being by himself. He was fine watching over the safety of Lothlórien, satisfied being the Marchwarden along with his brothers. He did not mind returning to his flet only to be welcomed to a lonesome home, an empty bed, and shutting his mind off to fall into a waking dream without holding another in his arms. But perhaps - only perhaps, and nothing more - on the rare evenings, as he walked the pathways of Lothlórien, he would silently envy the pairs that made their way past, speaking softly to one another, lowered words of affection and adoration traded and handed off so casually to the other…

It pleased him. It made him sick to his stomach. He smiled gently as he passed. He wished to hide and be by himself, as he always would be. He didn't desire a mate, nor love. He wished for it more than anything.

-

The arrival of Thranduil, King of Mirkwood, was one of great anticipation. He was to bring his son, Legolas Greenleaf, along with him. It was likely an experience to begin his training of being a proper Prince and - when the time came to be - a proper King. Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel were to speak of the matters concerning Sauron and his movements. Word had spread of the shadow looming over Mirkwood, and despite his outward appearance, Haldir was no fool to believe that Thranduil had little reason to worry over the state of his forests, his people, and most importantly, his son.

Given the task of leading them to Caras Galadhon upon their arrival, Haldir waited expectantly for the King and his son, eyes surveying the trees, listening closely… movement, just to the left was heard, and Haldir - along with his brothers, as always - straightened and watched as the horses and their riders came into clear view. Thranduil looked down to Haldir as he approached, and the Lórien Elf bowed to the Sindarin Elvenking. "_Mae govannen, âr Thranduil,_" he spoke in a proud, clear voice; impressions were always a priority to royalty, he found, "the forests of Lothlórien greet you, and your son. I will lead you to Caras Galadhon. Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel and expecting you." Thranduil, who had returned his greeting with a nod of acknowledgement, looked forward, his horse walking once more along the golden forests. Orophin and Rúmil walked in front of Thranduil, keeping watch, whilst Haldir remained behind Prince Legolas' horse, an eye behind the company.

However, he could not help but watch the young Prince - he could have been no more than a century's age, perhaps two hundred years… - and notice his amazement. The Elfling had not likely seen leaves as golden as such, all around him… Mirkwood was a place of dense forests, green for much of the year despite the change of seasons.

"Ada, Ada!" His eyes were still wide with wonder, not even looking upon Thranduil as he spoke. "The leaves, they are such various colors… Look, Ada!"

Thranduil spared a glance back at his son. "I have seen them, Legolas. Pay attention to where you guide your horse. He is drifting." And indeed he was, to Haldir's amusement; quickly, the young Prince brought his horse back on the correct path. Walking in silence once more, he walked alongside the Prince's horse and found himself looking around the trees, smiling softly. A tug on his tunic brought him from his thoughts.

"What is your name?" His hand never released his cloak, and he had leaned over the side of his horse, bright blue eyes peering into his own. The eyes that astounded him, such a color he had yet to see. They shined with his youth, curious and wondrous.

Finding himself silent for a moment too long, he quickly collected himself. "My name is Haldir, my Prince." As added measure, he bowed to Legolas personally. "I am the Marchwarden of these northern borders you travel upon."

"Haldir…" He seemed to think over the name for a moment, then smiled once more. "May I ask you something?"

He laughed softly. "You need not ask permission of me, for anything, my Prince."

He grinned down at Haldir, then released his cloak to point to the leaves, looking up as he did so. "These leaves… are they like this all year? Or has the season fooled me into believing so?"

"You are not fooled, for they are always of this color, from autumn until spring. As spring arrives upon up, only then do the leaves appear green, and only then do the golden leaves fall from the very boughs they rest upon. The leaves of Lothlórien do not idly fall, even in the harshest of winters."

The Prince's arm drops, and he still looks up in wonder. "That is truly amazing… I've never seen such golden leaves, not even in Mirkwood." He leaned forward, as if moving closer to Thranduil. "Ada, why are leaves not this color at home?"

"I do not control the leaves' color, _ion-nín._ They are the color they were created to be."

"I see…" Haldir frowned at the disappointment he could not only hear in his voice, but also see at the look upon his features. He could hardly comprehend the feeling that spread from his heart - which gave a dull ache with each beat of his heart - no less his sudden urge to make it right. Feeling a sense of guilt take over him, he stepped away from Legolas' horse, up to a tree nearby. This caught the Elfling's attention, only he did not speak, but merely watched. As Haldir grabbed a few leaves, whispering soft words of Sindarin before removing them from the low branch they had once rested upon, he turned back, catching up to the company. Smiling gently, he held out the leaves to Legolas.

"Treat them with care, and they shall not wither, my Prince." Seeing how he only looked down in confusion, he lifted his hand in the slightest, a grin growing. "By all means, take them."

"I…" He looked up finally, and said, "You are kind, Haldir of Lothlórien… Very kind, indeed." He reached out and took the leaves, but not before reaching down and bringing his small, lithe arms around his neck. Haldir gave a sort of yelp at the unexpected gesture, now stumbling beside the horse Legolas rode upon, not wanting to fall and drag the Prince down with him. Despite his minor situation, he felt a sense of satisfaction spread through him, for ever last trace of guilt was gone. It had felt good to do an act of kindness for the Prince, and even though he was tripping as he walked along, the grin was unmistakable.

After a few moments more, Legolas gave a small cry - one of amusement - as he nearly fell from his horse. This in turn caught the Elvenking's attention, and he narrowed his eyes as he looked back at them. "Legolas. Sit upright, this instant." Haldir removed his arms from his neck, and helped him sit upright, but he shrank back at the look upon Thranduil's face, and his hands were removed instantly. Only if it were necessary would he lay a hand upon him. Now, obviously, was not the time nor place. The King would not have it, so Haldir would not make things worse if it could be avoided.

Once again walking behind then, his eyes remained focused on the ground, somewhat regretting angering the King. He sighed, lost in his thoughts until he saw Legolas wave his arm out of the corner of his vision. Looking up, his eyes silently asked if he needed anything. The Prince grinned - Haldir had never witnessed a smile so beautiful - and gestured to the leaves as he mouthed two words: '_Hannon le._'

He returned the smile, all thoughts of regret or sadness gone in an instant.

-

Centuries passed before Legolas returned, but when he showed with the Elvenking once more - they had entered through the Western border, so Haldir did not have the privilege to lead then into the forests once more - Haldir could not say he was displeased. Again, Thranduil was on business with Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel, which meant that the Prince was under his care. For some reason or anther, Thranduil put trust in him to watch over the Prince. Whether it be because of their interaction on the way to Caras Galadhon during their previous visit or the leaves he'd bestowed unto him, he was to be the watchful eye. Satisfied with such new, he stood beside the Lord and Lady, a smile upon his face as he waited for the Prince. What brought an even wider smile upon his face was the fact the Prince remembered him.

"Haldir!" Looking to the grown Prince - still of an adolescent appearance, no more than an early teen in the eyes of a Man - he grinned, bowing respectfully. However, he did not expect to be taken into his arms so openly. "Haldir, how I've missed you!"

"O-Oh, it is a pleasure, my Prince…" Flustered, he returned the hug, seeming rather uncomfortable, mostly because he'd never been hugged in such a way before.

Legolas stepped back, eyes glowing with amazement. "You have not changed!"

"My Prince, it has been but a few hundred years; five hundred at the most." He smiled fondly, then continued, "You, however, have grown quite a lot."

"Have I?" He looked down at himself, confusion written upon his features.

"Indeed. Last I remember, you were but the height of a child, but look at you! I'd say you've grown at least a foot in length."

"A foot, you say? I never noticed…" He meets Haldir's gaze again.

Laughing softly, he says, "One usually does not realize their own growth."

"Perhaps that is so," he says, then his eyes are bright again in excitement as he turns to his father. "Ada, may we leave now? I wish to look upon the forests, I've longed for them!"

Thranduil nodded. "Yes, you may. Run along now, but cause no trouble to others."

"Yes, yes, I promise. Come, Haldir!" He took Haldir's hand in his own, dragging him away from the three other Elves. Haldir never sees Galadriel's adoring smile, not only to Legolas, but to them both. "You must show me around Lothlórien, I did not have the time I do now, let us make haste!"

"Anything, my Prince, but you must release me, for I fear you may take my arm and leave me behind!"

He stopped, looking back to Haldir then grinning sheepishly. "You must forgive me, then, I fear I may have gotten ahead of myself!" He released his hand - this disappointed the Silvan Elf, but he did not allow it to show - and looked around at the forest once more. "I've nearly forgotten its beauty, Haldir. It is something I do not wish to be so far from for much time."

"It is indeed a wonderful sight to those who look upon it so rarely." A soft, almost sad sigh escapes Haldir. "A change of view would be welcoming."

Legolas tilts his head to one side as they walk again, through the several winding paths of the forest. The flets are nearly hidden amongst the leaves, something that surprises Legolas. He never thought something could be disguised so easily… he is silent for a few moments more before remember what he was to ask Haldir. "Do you long to travel?"

He nods. "It is something I do desire after some time. Lothlórien is beautiful, and it shall forever remain my home, but I would not mind seeing the rest of the world as well."

"Why not simply leave?"

He laughs. "If life were as simple as leaving, many would not remain."

"Is there a reason you stay, then?"

"I am the Marchwarden, I must remain and guard the borders and protect my kin."

"You have a family? Back in your flet? Haldir cannot correct him before he continues. "Oh, you must take me to them, I am sure they are as delightful as you are! How come you have yet to mention them? Are you recently wed? And with Elflings, too? What wonderful news!"

"My Prince… I am not married…" He averts his gaze. "I was referring to my brothers… and the people of Lothlórien."

"Oh…" Legolas, as young as he is, senses sadness in his voice. He realizes that the subject pains him… "Forgive me, Marchwarden-"

"Please, my Prince, if you will," he raises a hand to stop him, something he did not realize he'd done - one who raised a hand to a Prince was never let off easily - but the comfort of the atmosphere they shared had managed to make him forget, "do not speak my title. My name is Haldir-" It was then, many moments too late, that he looked into the Prince's eyes. They were wide, shocked, and confused. He, Haldir, had just interrupted and talked back to the Prince of Mirkwood, a guest. Gasping under his breath and pulling back, he immediately dropped to his knee before him, head bowed. "I… forgive me, my Prince, forgive me. I do not deserve it, but please, I never intended to say such thoughtless things…"

Eyes closed, awaiting his sentence, he remained kneeling before Legolas… He waited… and waited… until melodious laughter was heard above him.

… Laughter?

"Haldir, Haldir… please, rise," he reached down, pulling up at his cloak and tunic. "Do not kneel. You have done me no wrong."

Shaking his head, he allows Legolas to pull him up, but he protests. "I interrupted you… I told you of what you must do, and it was careless, I shall never-"

"I don't believe you realize, Haldir, that you had given me a grand gift."

He blinks, ignoring his quickening heart rate. "… A gift?"

"I've never received anything alike to it before. I do not wish to lose it."

His heart was pounding madly at this point, and he found himself desperate to know what he'd given. Something inside of him felt a sense of pride knowing he'd done something no one else had… but what was it? "If I may-"

"You will, without permission."

Thinking over his words for a moment, relieving himself of his formal behavior, he simply asked, "What have I given you?"

Legolas grinned. "A true friendship."

He thinks it over, but confusion remains. "I do not understand…"

"I am a Prince, obviously. Everyone fears insulting me, and in turn, insulting my Ada. They are begging for my forgiveness at any given moment when they have done nothing wrong. I do not like it, Haldir. Others are practically frightened of me. They do not wish to being me harm or disrespect in fear of angering my Ada. But what you had done, correcting me on what I should call you… no one has ever done such a thing before." His smile softened, and he brought a hand to rest upon his cheek, "and I do no want you to take it back. It means you are comfortable around me - as a fellow Elf, not a Prince - does it not?"

Trying his best to ignore the tingling sensations as the Prince touches his skin, he nodded, faintly. "I do feel a sense of comfort around you, though I do not know where it comes from…"

Legolas rolled his eyes. "It matters not of the origin, but that it is here now. Promise me that you will not treat me as a Prince anymore."

He hesitated. "… Am I allowed to call you 'my Prince'? I fear it is a name that I have grown to call you…"

More laughter, a sound more beautiful than even the most prestigious Elven melody. "If that is what you wish, Haldir."

"Then I promise you, my Prince."

-

Once more, much time passed between their next meeting. And this time, it is not just a few centuries, but nearly a thousand years .Sauron's growing power gave no time for extended stays, even beside the fact Thranduil was rarely allowing Legolas out of his own Woodland Realm. It would only make sense to Haldir that the third visit be of his coming, traveling north towards the shadow-laden forests.

Even nearing the borders was a burden enough; his horse, once the swiftest of the lands, seemed to be brought down by an unseen force. Knowing it was Sauron's doing, he forged on, determined to deliver the message to Thranduil. Lord Celeborn feared that he could not communicate with the Elvenking as he normally would, and thus sent Haldir to deliver the message in person. He was aware that they had an acquaintance-like relationship, he felt that the Marchwarden was the best candidate.

His visit, unplanned, left suspicions from the gatekeepers. It was only reasonable to be so wary, but Haldir protested to their hesitation. "You do not understand, I heed word from Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel. This is an urgent matter, it cannot wait!"

The guards seemed uncertain, and Haldir could only roll his eyes, sighing heavily. He became frustrated shortly, and just as the guards were to deny him entry, a voice is heard: "Haldir! _Mellonín!_" He noted how the guards were suddenly at the ready, straightened and unmoving. A figure made itself known as the Elf approached them, and the Silvan Elf could barely believe his eyes.

Fully grown, now standing far taller than he remembers, was Legolas. He had matured greatly, as his features had become much stronger in appearance and masculinity. Though his frame was still slim and lithe, it was obvious that power lied within them. He was never to be underestimated, not even as a young Elfling.

Before he could marvel at the Elf for much longer, he was taken into said strong arms, held tightly against Legolas' chest. He made a point to not hesitate, bringing his arms around him as well to return the gesture. "My Prince… it has obviously been far too long!"

"Far too long indeed!" He finally pulled back, his hands resting on Haldir's shoulders, keeping them only an arm's-length apart. "I knew of your coming, Haldir. I saw you riding upon the horizon. It was only a matter of time before word came from Lothlórien… but I never expected you to be the one to deliver such news!" His expression, Haldir noticed, seemed a mix of urgency, relief, and thrill. He'd never expected such an array of emotions to simultaneously find their way together, but there it was.

"Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel were aware of my relationship with your father. Any other messenger would not have been able to have access, and since we are familiar, it seemed fitting to the Lord and Lady."

Legolas nodded, then brought an arm around Haldir's back, guiding him past the guards and into Mirkwood. "It is understandable. Come, _mellonín_, let us get the news to Ada."

Haldir allowed Legolas to lead him with a nod, eyes now scanning the area about him. A pressure, a sort of heaviness, was weighted upon his chest. He couldn't describe it, and every time he took a breath, it felt like he was not receiving the air… His brows furrowed with confusion, at this, never having felt this way in Mirkwood…

"You feel it, then?"

Haldir looked up, surprised at his sudden words. "What do you speak of, my Prince?"

"The air… the very essence of the world around us. The shadow that befalls the forests, creating a darker plague that no light can illuminate…"

Haldir frowns, hearing the sorrow in Legolas' voice. "I feel what you speak of… the air is dense, heavy… it is as if it is hard to breathe." His eyes focus on his features, looking at the concerned blue eyes, watching his free hand extend to the bark of a nearby tree and graze the bark briefly. A sense of gratitude came about him then; he was only a spectator to a mere taste of what these Elves had to bear each and every day. Now his arm comes around Legolas' back as well, in a comforting gesture; he hated to see Legolas in such a state - or any state at all - of sadness. "The news I bring will be of good news to the King. There is word of the whereabouts of something that can possibly overthrow Sauron… Though I cannot speak of it more, I wish for you to know, my Prince: this overwhelming burden shall not last you much longer."

Looking to him, Legolas smiled warmly. "Haldir… you always know what to say. I greatly appreciate this about you, my dear friend." He turned his head towards Haldir's neck, nuzzling him affectionately. The mere action itself gave his stomach a fluttering feeling, and he felt his throat constrict. However, fortunately for him, they were already arriving upon the court where Thranduil would have already been notified of his coming, and was likely awaiting him. Legolas took note of this and pulled away. "I shall speak to you soon, _mellonín!_"

Haldir nods back to him, smiling softly, but a part of him was relieved to see Legolas turning away to find something else to do… he could not have entered the court in such a flustered manner. It would have been inappropriate for such a serious time. Straightening himself up, he takes a breath and walks into the court, relaying all of the necessary information to Thranduil. It takes little time at all, for Thranduil was aware of much of the information, but concludes that since there is a message from the Lord and Lady themselves, it is a serious manner after all. Likely more so than he originally thought. He thanks Haldir before dismissing him, offering to allow him an extended stay. Despite his inner wishes, Haldir denies, saying Lothlórien was in enough danger as of late. Thranduil nods in understanding, then allows him to leave.

Exiting the courts, he steps out into an open area, noting that it is just passed midday, and it looks and feels as though dawn just broke. The sky is a mixture of a stone grey and a light blue, while the air is chilled, almost lifeless. He shivers, making his way to the stables where his horse is kept. Knowing Legolas would be disappointed without a proper goodbye, he keeps an eye out for the Prince along the way.

Even as he takes the longer route towards where his horse awaits him, he sees no sign of the Prince. Frowning, he enters the stables, fetching his horse. However, as he takes his reigns, smiling as the horse moves towards him willingly - and even ventures to nuzzle him, as always - he notices something… Now his frown deepens further, in greater confusion, and as he pulls him out of the darkness of the covered stables, he reveals… Well, he isn't sure what to make of it.

Flowers, of all different colors (once he did not see, but must have been picked somewhere else) adorn his now-braided mane, the stems beautifully intertwined with the braids. They are nearly hidden, and the leaves were removed perfectly, and the petals stand out against the horse's white color. They appear vibrant, the colors ranging from a bright orange to a pastel purple, and Haldir can only wonder where they came from.

And the next moment, someone's hands cover his eyes from behind. He goes rigid, but the voice he hears immediately puts him at ease: "My dear friend, did you think you were leaving without a proper goodbye?"

A smile adorns his lips. "I took a longer route to the stables… I figured you were nowhere to be found."

A soft laugh. "Well, I _was_ rather busy in your absence…"

"Oh? And what was it you were doing?"

"Why, this!" Suddenly, the hands are removed from his face and Legolas gestures to the flowers and braids. "Something to take with you, back to Lórien. And do not worry: they will hold. Give my best to the Lord and Lady, and to your brothers as well. They must visit."

He takes a braid into his hand, eyes scanning it with fascination and adoration, all at once. "I shall. This is a gift I will take with great price, my Prince." And indeed it was; his heart surely couldn't beat any faster behind his ribs.

"But there's more!" he grins, excitedly, then steps away from the horse. "Follow me, I must give you something else!"

Haldir hooks a reign over one of the posts on a stable and follows after Legolas, curious to what he wishes to show him. He finds him within the trees, his hands brushing against the trunks, feeling the bark beneath his fingers. He watches him with interest then lifts his own hand, experimentally grazing it against a much smaller tree, and Legolas suddenly stops. The Prince looks back at him, then approaches the tree, his hand coming to rest over his. Haldir watches in uncertainty.

"You choose this tree. Why?"

"I… choose it?"

Legolas nods. "Yes. You chose it. You watched what I was doing and brushed your hand against this tree, right hear. I heard you do so."

Haldir's eyes flicker between their hands and Legolas' expression, which is completely serious. "I only wondered why you were doing that… and… I simply… chose this one." Of course, he hadn't the slightest clue of what Legolas was going on about. However, he sees the Prince nod with a smile.

"I think you chose this, not with real thought put into it, but something made you reach for this one. This small tree, hidden amongst the others." He moves Haldir's hand so it is flat against the tree, and then places his own hand over his; despite Haldir's hand being bigger, he places his smaller fingers between the spaces of Haldir's fingers, so he is still touching the bark. "Whatever you do, my friend, do not move your hand."

"… Is this going to hurt, perhaps…?"

Legolas laughs, his hand tightening over Haldir's against the tree. "No, Haldir, no! It will not, I swear." Once he has calmed down, his eyes focus on the tree. A dim light - at first unnoticeable - makes itself known. It gradually grows brighter and soon a prominent golden glow is emanating from Legolas' hand. This does not make Haldir wish to pull away, but once he feels something move beneath his hand, his eyes widen. He keeps Legolas' words in his mind, but panic arises as well.

More movement, and Haldir bites his lip. "My Prince…?"

"Shh. Don't move." There is even more movement, but then, something emerged from beneath their fingers… a flower. A single flower, growing as if at an advanced rate. Its stem grows taller and thicker, a bud appears. He watches in fascination as the flower blooms; the center is a golden yellow that seems to glow, as Legolas' hand had, and it fades to a light pink, while the tips of the petals near a dark crimson.

Legolas nods, and Haldir removes his hand just as he does. The flower stands strong and tall, and the Prince leans forward, whispering words to it in Quenya - some he knew himself, and immediately, he knew what Legolas was doing - as he pulls it from the tree. He holds it out to him, then echoes nearly the exact words he'd spoken to him: "Treat it with care, and it shall not wither."

He cannot help the grin that grows upon his features, and he now smiles. "This… is the greatest gift anyone has given to me." He takes the flower, looking it over again.

Legolas smiles, taking advantage of his averted gaze, and leans in to press a kiss into his forehead. "It is yours, forever. It is a symbol of friendship. The different colors so prominent compared to one another, yet blending together, and becoming one."

Haldir looks up at him, eyes wide, as if shocked. Legolas assumes it is about the meaning of the flower, but Haldir knows the truth. "I… My Prince, thank you…" He knows what he truly desires, but he pulls him into a hug, instead. The Elf laughs softly, and Haldir clutches the flower tightly, knowing he will keep it with him forever. Just as his love for the Prince had grown. It had grown so much, and now, he had fallen.

-

Again, another visit to Mirkwood. Despite the many visits in between, there was none more important than this one. Haldir had kept his love to himself - there were obvious issues involved if he were to know of his true feelings… - and only acted as he always would. He was the doting Marchwarden from Lothlórien, practically a guardian to him. They were close, and even in times of need, they would go to great lengths to comfort one another.

However, there were times when Haldir was in great pain. And no matter what the Prince wished, he could do nothing about it.

His visit was nothing more than a visit to deliver more news from Lórien. Boring and uneventful news, since he had become so accustomed to delivering such news for nearly 2,000 years now, but it gave him a grand excuse to see Legolas. He took advantage of such moments, especially when he presence was not mandatory back home.

He approaches the tree that Legolas - and a Man, of whom he does not know - sits upon, his hands on his hips as he waits, knowing it would not be long before Legolas realizes his presence. His armor was not necessarily subtle, and the moment he straightens, Haldir grins.

The Prince looks over his shoulder, down at him and grins widely. "Haldir!" he jumps down excitedly, running up to greet him. His arms come around his neck, and he eyen jumps up, his legs tight around his waist. Haldir yelps in surprise, but he manages top catch him with succession. "It has been long, far too long, you have not visited for years!"

Haldir laughs. "You used to wait longer, hundred of years."

"But that does not matter, for I'm used to seeing you at least a few times each year! Do not simply vanish, I was growing worried!" He presses a kiss to his forehead, then releases him, his hands taking the Marchwarden's. "What brings you to Mirkwood, _mellonín?_"

"Another message, nothing of grand importance to you." He waves it off, clearly uninterested by whatever news he brings. "And, ahh…" he gestures to the Man, who has found his way down from the tree, "who is this?"

"Oh!" He turns back to the Man, then extends a hand out to him, a warm smile on his face. "Estel, come, meet my closest friend, Haldir." Haldir watches carefully as the Man takes Legolas' hand, moving close to him… far closer than normal. "Have you met the Elves of Lórien, Estel?"

The Man shakes his head. "I have not…" He notices how his eyes are drawn to Legolas' other hand, which still lies in his own.

He thinks quickly now, not entirely comfortable with the glance he is given from Estel. "Rivendell... you are far from home, are you not?" He grins to Legolas, then asks, "Do you like stowing away others on your quests between Mirkwood and Rivendell, you mischievous Prince?"

"Oh, Haldir, you know I only bring the best with me!" He grins back at Estel, a look that lingers far more than Haldir is comfortable with. "He is my guest here…" Quickly, he turns back to Haldir. He had noticed he was staring. "As you have been, many times before."

He hesitates just slightly to nod. "Indeed, it is so."

Legolas smile between them, then asks, "Will you be staying? Please tell me it is so, it has been nearly ten years since your last visit, and you left so soon…"

"I will stay, if you wish it to be so."

"Excellent. There is not much time left as it is, and I want to cherish these moments with you." He smiles back to Estel, who nods, as if accepting that Haldir will be staying with them.

However, Haldir frowns. "Not much time?" He notices, for the briefest of moments, Legolas' eyes widen. As if he allowed something to slip. But he quickly regain composure, shaking his head with a smile.

"Oh, nothing, it means nothing." He shakes his head, now leading them away from where they stand. "Let us not dwell on it. Come, I'll lead you both to my quarters, we shall catch up there."

Haldir frowns, obviously missing something, but one look to Estel, and he knows that they have a certain understanding. His frown is one of sorrow, and slight guilt. His eyes are cast down as well. He has something to do with what Legolas is speaking of. Haldir finds determination within himself, and moves forward to walk beside the Prince. "Legolas… you are keeping something from me."

"No, Haldir, please," he puts on a smile, but Haldir can see right through it. "You are mistaken."

"I have known you for nearly all of your life. I met you as a child, when you came to Lothlórien all those years ago. I am not mistaken. I know you very well, and I shall continue to until my last breath. I am certain you are keeping something. It bothers me because I can sense your pain of such knowledge."

Suddenly, Legolas stops, his eyes to the ground. He shakes his head, as if to himself, then looks to Estel. Some sort of exchange takes place, and he turns back to him. "What I am to tell you must never be repeated to _anyone_."

He nods. "You have my word, until my dying breath."

Still seeming uncertain, Legolas guides them into his quarters, leading them inside and shutting his door, making sure his windows are closed, as well. Haldir and Estel stand rather uncomfortably, but Haldir is shifting more out of anticipation for Legolas was to tell him, rather than Estel, who looks rather nervous…

Once Legolas deems them truly alone, he turns to Haldir, taking his hands in his own, and says with a strong tone: "In the future, though how soon or far is yet to be determined… I will choose a mortal life."

There is silence, and Haldir tries to take in the news… Legolas, his Prince, the one he has been in love with for nearly 2,000 years, was to choose a mortal life. He would not sail to Valinor. He would not likely become King of Mirkwood, unless an heir was produced before then, but… there would be no point in it, if he were to die such a short life. His grip increases on his hands. "My Prince… you… you have make such an important decision…"

"I have. I know what my heart longs for. I know what I must do." His eyes flicker to Estel, and Haldir keeps himself from sighing.

"… You are in love." He does not need clarification, for if he did not continue, he may have simply broken completely, right then and there. "With Estel, yes?" He turns to look at the other mortal, who looks away.

"… With _Aragorn_." Then, Legolas speaks words he never wished to hear, no matter if he knew them to be true or not. "I am in love with Aragorn."

Again, more silence. This one was rather long, strenuous, and uncomfortable for them all. Haldir finally speaks up, not sure of what else to do. "I see…" He looks to Aragorn. "I see in your eyes… loyalty. Great loyalty, and honor. I know, the way you look at him… you are in love. And I know, just by spending mere moments with you both, together, that Legolas is in love with you, too."

"Our love is real," Legolas assures. "I have already given myself to him."

The words feel like a stab to his beating heart, the vital organ already faltering in its steady rhythm. He could not have… it could not have been so…! Surely, he did not mean it… but the certainty in his eyes was more than an answer. "Is this so…?" He sees Legolas nod, and he knows: he has lost his love to another. Yet was Legolas 'his' love? Obviously, he had never told him of his feelings… and now, it was too late. But he cannot allow Legolas to know. Smiling softly to convince Legolas that the coming words were sincere, he says, "Then I have faith in you. Both of you."

But he had yet to keep faith within himself.

He knows, now that Legolas has found another, he can only watch. But this, he considers, could be for the better…? Odd as it sounds, he finds some sort of sense in this notion. He knows he could never have confessed his feelings for the Prince… but if he could watch over him and Aragorn, ensure that their love was true… could it be enough? He knows he will be causing himself great grief… It will be painful for him, but he will do anything for the Prince, this he knows. His happiness meant everything to him. If it meant making sure he would love, and be loved in return, it would keep him satisfied.

He wished for love more than anything. But now, he had missed his chance.


End file.
